Guilt & Prayer

This week has been a hard one and this morning it got harder. I have felt guilty and somewhat responsible for some sad things that have happened.
On Monday, Christina (our babysitter) came to our house to watch Elijah but said she was feeling sick. She felt feverish with a headache. There is a flu type thing going around that Dan just had and I thought maybe that she had caught it from him. I gave her some medicine for her headache and told her to go home and call me in the morning. The next morning, she said she was feeling much better, so she came to work. Then on Wednesday, she showed up early saying she felt very ill. I told her to go to the clinic for a Malaria test. I don't know why I didn't have her go on Monday. I felt horrible later that afternoon when I went to the clinic to visit her. She had been there for 2 hours taking tests and waiting for her medication. Sure enough, she has plus 3 Malaria (plus 4 is the worst and very dangerous). I was very thankful that we caught it before it got to plus 4, but I still felt so stupid for not taking her to the clinic on Monday. She lives in a village and although we gave her nets earlier this year, it is still very easy to get Malaria in the area she lives.
Please pray for her as she has 2 girls to take care of. As well, her sister in law, Agnes has been put back in jail at Maula Prison. I don't quite understand the whole story, but the case wasn't closed and there are still a few things that have to be figured out. I just feel frustrated and sad and somewhat guilty that Christina is sick and has all of these huge burdens that I', afraid she is carrying alone.

The second thing I feel guilty and sad about it Happy. As I have mentioned before, Happy has a wife and a little girl who live in the northern region of Malawi. He has not been able to see them for months now. There are two problems. The first is that Happy still owes his in-laws part of the dowry for their daughter. They have been married for a few years now, but he has been without work and unable to pay it off. Until he can pay the remaining amount, he cannot bring his family to live with him. The second is even when he does pay the dowry, it will be very expensive for him to bring them to Lilongwe.
Dan and I hoped to be able to pay off his debts and bring his family here to live with him. We just haven't figured it all out. We are afraid that once his family is living with him, he will not be able to provide for them. We leave in June and he has no job prospects.He already asks us for money for food. The point is, we just do not know what to do and how to help him and his family in the right way that will actually support them and not make things more difficult.
This morning, Happy came to me and told me that his little girl is in the hospital. She was hit by a car yesterday morning. He says she is not okay and that her leg and I think her entire right side of her little body is badly hurt. I know it isn't at all my fault that this happened, but I cannot help but think that it wouldn't have happened had we just given Happy money to bring his family here sooner.

When you hire someone here in Malawi, you take them on like family. You are responsible for wedding and funeral costs for them and their family members. You pay for their children's school fees and clinic bills. It is a good thing to take care of your employees here as they really do depend on you. But this week has been full of extra costs for us. As well, it's been emotionally draining. Please pray for us. We need wisdom. We need strength to help carry the burdens of our workers and dear friends. Please please pray for Christina and Happy. I cannot imagine the stress they must be feeling with such sickness and family issues while also having no means to take care of them.

Lastly, as Dan and I talk about our own needs as we are rapidly approaching our departure date, I cannot help but feel guilty about the way we discuss money. I know that we are trying to be wise and careful over the next few months. I just do not want "wisdom" to get in the way of helping our friends. I want to be able to give freely and not worry about what I will eat or drink tomorrow. We have never been without. That truth is more and more confusing to me as I see so many people here living without. I do not want to be angry with God. I know that he cares for his creation and I have seen Him provide for others through His provisions for our family. These things just bring me into a place of frustration and confusion. Please pray that Dan and I would trust in the Lord for ALL things, even these things which we cannot control. We know that God is good and that He is in control. He is our rock and our refuge. If He is for us, who can be against us?