I got an email from a friend the other day. We were discussing our new issues with our suddenly rebellious babies, sharing ideas of how to discipline and just laughing at how quickly their attitudes can change. We also noted that each other's baby looks perfectly cute and happy on our blogs. This made me want to share with you the other side of Elijah. We all know it's there, and people around us are seeing more and more of it as Elijah grows into his "independence". About 40% of our day is spent either trying to avoid or dealing with a difficult moment. I just have to keep telling myself to be consistent! I refuse to be one of those parents who are good at threatening the child with a punishment (even a small one) but then don't follow through. It's either all or nothing and I've decided I'm gonna go all out. The hardest thing for me, though is chosing when to discipline. Sometimes, Elijah is really just sad that he can't have an object (like the power cord or a sharpie) and I want to be sensitive to that. I certainly don't want to teach him that he has to be happy all the time. That would really mess him up! Plus, y'all know how fussy I got when Dan's bike got stollen and my dream of having a new gray couch flew out the window. My couch is Elijah's power cord and I need to remember that. However, I also need to remember that it is not okay to start screaming, pulling hair and throwing your head back when you can't have the power cord (or the gray couch for that matter!). All of this just really makes me appreciate my mother SO much. The record books show that I was an extremely difficult baby, throwing huge tantrums and often hurting myself in the process. I guess the saying is true- what goes around comes around.
What Elijah is
trying to say is that he is all done, except he is refusing to do the sign for it and would rather fuss instead.
And now I will share some cutie moments with Eli, because after all, I am his mother and no matter how fussy he can be at times, Elijah is still my sweet little guy. Here he is, standing up in his crib.
So proud!
Getting into that cupboard again....
Elijah waves hello and talks to his friend
Ezra on the computer. It's really just a picture of Ez, but it's good enough for Eli.
I have to say that I love my new job. Being a mom is the best way I could spend my time. Although I have had a rough transition into motherhood (mainly letting go of my dreams and identity as an individual) I feel like I was made for this job. Plus, my identity is in Christ and that cannot change no matter what happens in life. That is what gives me the freedom to give up all else and to do what He has called me to do at any moment, with joy. Oh, I just love this little chub of a guy.
3 comments:
I often feel the need to do a reality check on my blog too-like "this is what it is really like" but somehow those moments don't seem so ridiculous when I look back on them, and they are harder for me to write about. I love this post-I try to remind myself to be patient too. I am a grown women who still has meltdowns for Pete's sake. Owen used to rip his bib off so much at meal times (because he was all done before I was ready for him to be) that I had to get one that buttoned!
Thanks for letting us in to your REAL life! :)
So here's what I can tell you, having been down that road:
1) Smart kids are curious and get into more trouble, I think, because they get bored easier and need a constant challenge. Yes, I know, that can be irritating. So the thing to always keep in mind is that they are behaving normally within their developmental stage. Yes, also irritating--the teachers at Bright Horizons used to say that, and it made me mad, like it was an excuse and my response wanted to always be, they should know better. Well, they don't. And sometimes, you have to stop expecting them to know better and just remove the temptation because it's not appropriate for them right now. But redirect--give them something they can do. (Can you guys get those cuboard thingies to keep them closed?). If your expectation is that his little mind is always going, and every kid that age does that, you will have a better time working with Eli, not against him. I think the greatest thing I learned there was simply what to expect at those ages and how to redirect and respect them as they're tearing the room apart!
2) Go out of the house at least once a day, if possible. They get bored staying in the same place all day, and getting out stretches their minds, too.
3) Start gentle discipline. Yes, he has original sin but I don't think he's trying to go against you. Too, they are becoming a person and are starting to exert their will. Your job is to help direct that, giving positive feedback when appropriate and teaching what you want them to do instead if you feel that's necessary. I always felt like Amos was purposefully going against me, at like 11 months or something like that, but a friend gave me perspective and said that would come later. It's hard to know the difference, though.
So as you're desiring to be more consistent, invent little phrases that are easy to understand and show and use them often. Eli is a smart one, I'm sure! and understands more than you think--again a little lesson I learned along the way.
Another thing too, is, cutting slack. Before you get into discipline, ask yourself--are they tired? hungry? teething? Those things play big roles in kids' ability to function and sometimes they are not going to be able deal with life. That's when I have to take a chill pill, realize that this moment is not ultimate, that all will not be lost if he doesn't say, "yes mama" and meet him where he is. It's harder with a baby, but gets easier the more vocal they are and the more you get to know their cues.
Today we were shopping at Target and Amos was in the big part of the cart. He found my package of wipes and I saw him take them out, thinking he was just looking at the pictures of Cars on there. About 10 minutes later, I checked in with him and he had pulled out HALF of my new package of wipes, to clean the basket. I flipped out!
The problem is that, he didn't know not to use that many. He likes to mimic what I do and thought he was doing a good thing. I was just mad that he wasted all of those wipes, but it's unfair for me to mad at him--I left the bag open, and I've used many wipes to clean the bathroom--he's seen me do it! So I had to apologize to him for getting mad (I'm doing that alot these days) and remember that I have to zip the bag when I put it in with him or else he may find something to do in it! It's just not a feasable expectation for him to not go through the diaper bag.
I think too, that I have to keep cutting Amos slack. Many folks recently have said that he's such a good kid, and he really is. I can be so focused on not having "that child" that I forget to see how great he is and how productive we've been in helping him get there. That helps me enjoy him more and get to know him more so that when his attitude really does need adjusting, I know it and can act on it right then and there.
I'm glad you're growing into your new role, too. It takes awhile. Loooking back, I've realized that it's hard to be a first time mom because there's a long while that your baby isn't really giving back to the relationship. You're doing alot of work, being tired, etc, and right now, they just don't give back as much. But the older they get, the more bonded you become. Amos is showing affection more, is asking me to play with him more and doing things that make me feel like he wants to be with me too, and not just because I'm the only one that can feed him or care for him. We are building our relationship and it's so exciting to me. We are enjoying him more and more, the older he gets. It's exciting to think that you all have that opportunity too, to continue to see who Eli is.
And ps--he's a MUCH better baby than you were! And I hope he continues to be a good one for you!
Love you, sister!
yay--I will do my post in the next day or so...I need to find the BEST pictures! Haha. Oh, we have such great babies, though....fussy or not! The video is SOOOO what Áine does. She had that same little seat and that is what I had to get a high chair to replace because the little angel kept trying to launch herself out of it. And, the bib...yea...I need one that ties! And the first pic of Eli is my fav...if that is his fit face I am not sure he can get much cuter! I love the last pic, too...so sweet.
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